


Everyone Hates Oliver

by whatTheFuckIsThis



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Time Bureau (DC's Legends of Tomorrow), Vacation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 18:03:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17730047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatTheFuckIsThis/pseuds/whatTheFuckIsThis
Summary: With everything going on in Star City, Oliver is feeling overwhelmed. He calls around to his super friends but everyone is busy. Everyone except the Legends. Unfortunately, staying with them is going to be a little more complicated than he thought.





	Everyone Hates Oliver

With everything happening with SCPD and ARGUS, Oliver needed to get away from Star City for a few days. Not one to relax, he called around to the other heroes to ask if they needed any help. Kara said she was too busy dealing with her sister no longer knowing she’s no longer Supergirl to host him. Black Lightning’s phone went to voicemail the first three times Oliver called. When someone named Anissa finally picked up, she laughed and said they didn’t need some modern-day Robin Hood cosplayer in Freeland, before hanging up.

Barry was even worse. As soon as Oliver said hello, the speedster started rambling about a serial killer who was murdering metahumans and their allies. Barry insisted Team Flash had it all under control and that he should ask Batwoman. Oliver would rather be locked up again than ever willingly travel to Gotham but he thanked Barry anyway.

He tried Vixen’s phone but it also went to voicemail. Her message said to not bother leaving a message, but he left one anyway. Maybe he should’ve tried calling during the day. Vigilantes were also busying at night.

Finally, he tried the Legends. They wouldn’t be his first choice but at least he wouldn’t have to go on vacation. Once he figured out how to operate the inter-time communicator Sara had given him, he sat down on his couch and called her.

“Oi, who’s this?” An unfamiliar voice said from the other end.

“Is-Is Sara Lance there? I was told this was her number,” he replied, slightly put off by the voice.

“I asked first, mate. Who are you?”

“I just need-”

“Hey idiot. Your name.”

“Oliver Queen.”

“Queen? Which one is that?” The voice whispered to someone on the other end.

“The douchebag Sara was fucking when the boat crashed near that island,” he heard Zari reply.

“Ah right. That wanker.”

Oliver shook his head. Maybe it was a mistake to try vacationing with the Legends. He’d call Vixen back after this, she’d probably let him stay with her for a few days.   

“So what’re you calling for, Queeny boy? Need something from your ex?”

“Please don’t call me Queeny-and she’s not just-” Oliver sighed. “Look, can you just go get Sara?”

“Sara’s a bit tied up at the-”

“Just go get her, Charlie. Those two can be kinky later,” Zari said, taking over the phone. “Are the grownup heroes checking up on the newbies now?”

“No,” Oliver laughed. “I just need to ask Sara something.”

“Ah right.”

“Who’s Charlie? I don’t remember her being there for the Nazi invasion.”

“She’s new. Picked her up a few months ago in 1970s London. Aside from the whole shapeshifting into Amaya thing and constantly sounding like she’s gonna stab you, she’s pretty cool. And nowhere near as annoying as Constantine.”

“Shapeshifting?”   

“Charlie’s a shapeshifter. One of the magical creatures we accidentally released from the hell dimension after killing that time demon.”

“You guys released what from hell?” Oliver demanded, regretting the phone call more and more by the second. His life was complicated enough with humans, metahumans, and alternate Earths. He didn’t need to know about magical creatures and demons.

“Did you not hear about that? We really need to start like a hero newsletter or something…”

“What happened?”

“Well you see…” Zari paused to clear her throat. “Well, Sara’s here now. She can explain everything.”

Oliver sighed, as Sara took the phone from Zari.

“Ollie! How’s Star City?” Sara asked quickly, like there was something she had to get back to.

“It’s… been better,” Oliver muttered. “I wanted to ask you something but you seem busy so I can just-”

“We’re always busy. Ever since the whole magical creatures escaping from hell thing. What did you want to ask me?”

“Things have been complicated in Star City. I was wondering if I could stay on the Waverider for a few days to get away from all-” Oliver stopped when he heard an alarm going off over the phone. “Everything okay over there?”

“Yeah, yeah we’re good. I’ll, uh, send you the information about staying on the ship. Talk to you later, Ollie,” Sara said, taking the phone away from her face. “Alright team, the Inkanyamba just showed up in 1953 South Africa. What do we know?”

Oliver shook his head and got up from the couch to get a glass of water from the kitchen. When he returned, he saw he had two new text message from Vixen.

> **Mari:** why did you leave a voicemail??? what are you 40
> 
> **Mari:** also, sorry out of town atm doing some undercover work. maybe just go on vacation???

After googling what ‘atm’ stood for, he responded.

> **Oliver:** Good luck on your undercover mission.

A few minutes after he hung up he received an email from [GideonWVR@tb.dod.gov](mailto:GideonWVR@tb.dod.gov).

> Dear Oliver Queen,
> 
> Thank you for applying to stay at the Waverider. We know you have many timeships to choose from so thank you for choosing ours.
> 
> Before you can begin your stay with us, your application must be approved by atleast 3 of the 6 current residents of the Waverider, including the Captain. Names and approval status are listed below. Due to the nature of the Legends, it may take up to 72 hours for your application to be processed. If you wish to receive a more timely response, please visit us at our office in the Time Bureau, located at The Pentagon,Washington, DC 22202. Entry code: 1921311-11919. 
> 
> SARA LANCE [CAPTAIN] – APPROVED
> 
> RAY PALMER [TECHNICAL EXPERT] – NO RESPONSE
> 
> ZARI TOMAZ [MECHANIC] – NO RESPONSE
> 
> MICK RORY [THIEF] – NO RESPONSE
> 
> JOHN CONSTANTINE [WARLOCK] – NO RESPONSE
> 
> CHARLIE [MYTHICAL CREATURE “EXPERT”] – NO RESPONSE
> 
> Thank you. We hope to see you soon.
> 
> Kind Regards,
> 
> Gideon of the Waverider

Oliver smiled and shook his head as he read the email. There’s no way any of the Legends followed such a strict protocol. It had to be a joke. But they were his only option so he decided to take it. Instead of waiting for Sara to call him back or for the Legends to “approve his application,” he headed to the bedroom to pack for DC,

“Hey babe. How’d the phone call with Sara go?” Felicity asked, looking up from the book she was reading while lounging on their bed.    

He pulled his duffel bag out of the closet and plopped it next to Felicity before answering.

“It was…,” He paused to unzip the bag. “weird.”   

“Well you’re still packing. That’s a good sign, right?”

“I-I don’t know.” He dug his phone out of his pocket and showed the email to Felicity.

While she was reading the email, he looked over the items he kept in the bag for emergencies. A box with a set of retractable bow and arrows. A spare Green Arrow suit. Two outfits of Kevlar lined clothes, down to the socks. A couple thousand dollars in small bills. And enough knives to make even Sara jealous. 

He’d need a few more sweaters.

“Seems like something Ray would write,” Felicity muttered, handing Oliver back his phone. “Except he’d never limit himself to technical expert. More like Chief Technology Officer or Executive Officer of Technical Affairs.”

“I don’t know.”

“So what’s the plan?”

“Well, everyone else I called shot me down so-”

“And a normal vacation is still out of the question?” Oliver looked at Felicity, warning her not to bring up his irrational hatred of vacations again. “Right, so?”   

“I’m going to DC to hopefully stay with the Legends for a couple days. They have an office so maybe one of them will actually be there. I just hope it’s not Rory.”

Felicity hummed, and then pointed to his bag with a skeptical look on her face.  

“I’m not sure a few sweaters and your toiletry bag will hide the literal arsenal you packed from airport security, babe.”

“Don’t worry,” Oliver said, before leaning over to kiss Felicity on the forehead and pick up the duffel bag. “One of the speedsters is picking me up.”

***

“Thanks Wally,” Oliver said, once the wave of nausea from traveling cross country passed. “I would’ve called Barry but…”

“No worries, I’ve been meaning to see Nate’s new job,” Wally said, waving his hand dismissively. “Besides, Barry’s dealing with a bunch of shit right now. That serial killer guy. His daughter from the future showing up. Old Navy no longer stocking the sweaters he wears. It’s been-”

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“You didn’t hear? Old Navy just pulled a bunch of-”

“No. Not the sweater thing. The future daughter thing.”

“Oh yeah. Barry and Iris’s daughter showed up and now the whole timeline has changed and Barry has to train her. It’s a whole thing,” Seeing Oliver’s blank expression, Wally continued. “Did you seriously not know? We really need to start like a group chat or something.”     

“We are not starting a group chat,” Oliver groaned. He already got way too many texts from the group chat with Barry and Kara. He couldn’t handle one with all the heroes. “Right, well we should head in. DC winters are-”

“Super shitty?”

“Yep. Super shitty.”  

**Author's Note:**

> I love Oliver and Barry's sweaters but they're like identical to the cheap ass Old Navy sweaters I own and I think that's super fucking funny. 
> 
> Anyway, leave kudos and comments if you feel so inclined.


End file.
